Wildcards given soap treatment

CHANNEL HOPPING: WILDCARDS — they’re all the rage. Simon Cowell’s using them, American billionaire John W Henry is himself a big one for Liverpool Football Club right now and who would have picked 33 Chilean miners to hog headlines from Santiago to South Chadderton?

All wildcards — the joker in the pack, the checkmate move that leaves the pawns standing. And brilliantly illustrated in our glorious soaps.

When tragedy struck Albert Square for what seemed like more times than Charlie Slater has had hot dinners, it was always going to be another week-to slit-your-wrists-by in “EastEnders”.

Tears, quarrels, shouting and fights... pure misery following young Billie’s shock departure.

A quick flick to “Coronation Street” saw Graeme on life-support and Jack at death’s door with cancer. At first glance then, more of the same.

All except that is for fewer tears round Weatherfield way. All right, there were a couple, along with quarrels, shouting . . . and fights.

Crucially, however, weeks-to-live Jack got himself all dressed up only to get all dressed down by Molly after a cheeky visit to a lap-dancing club,

Rosie did her level best to burn the house down in slapper-stick fashion and Dev stuck spoons to his face in the Rovers.

John’s teacher friend Brian swept through the Street like a Reg Holdsworth-inspired tornado. Neil Diamond songs, a whirlwind romance with a knicker-stitcher, lodging with the Stapes, then back to the wife.

And here’s the thing. They don’t get the needle much on Corrie . . . and when they do, there’s sure to be a comedy bobbin or two handy, because the writers never lose that wildcard thread.



MODERN philosopher Karl Pilkington’s latest escapade in Sky1’s “An Idiot Abroad” laid bare the delights of Mexico on a Good Friday.
“They don’t have chocolate eggs here,” he observed. “For me, take them away and it’s just Friday.”

And I always thought you were supposed to wait until Sunday.

Anyway, it was a good thing he had his Monster Munch to hand — his “there’s something about them that cheers you up” was genius.


Soap roar: “Too good to be true? Book yourself an eye test, luv, and some self-esteem lessons.” — Brian’s wife to Julie after gate-crashing their date in “Coronation Street”.


Soap bore: Enders went on a moralising trip after Billie drank himself to death, yet Phil was living in a boozy crack den only weeks ago and now he’s a champion boxing trainer.