Sorry Sir Alan, you’re tired...

CHANNEL HOPPING: THE BBC has been all over Lord Sugar and The Apprentice like a tramp on chips ever since it started.

No wonder. It’s one of a dwindling few reality TV shows that doesn’t require contestants to either dine out on a kangaroo’s private parts or join fellow Z-list celebs on a bus round eastern Europe.

Having said that, “Titanic” won 12 Oscars but wasn’t exactly a great advert for cruise ships. The man at the top came out with that one himself, as London’s latest search for a lackey launched an ad campaign to fire spray-on cleaner to the surface.

Sadly, I can’t help thinking the Beeb’s stagnant and saturated flagship crusade to buy into the low-end, dirty-but-popular market has been left to fester in its own hype as we approach the business end of the series.

“I’m a Celebrity”, “Wife Swap” even “Coach Trip” — three examples of how, if you’re going to do it, make sure you get it right. Originality is what “The Apprentice” was all about, but this latest chapter has raked over more old ground than Eamonn Andrews. The TV and radio commercial routine for detergent: done-to-death last year. Selling cakes on the market — an earlier episode — done before.

To be fair, the cleaning products task was actually a good laugh, with Apollo project manager and all-round little cockroach of a man, Alex Epstein, given his marching orders — obviously no relation to the business genius behind The Beatles after his “Mr Germinator” idea.

“Octi-Kleen” — Team Synergy’s bizarre winning effort — was hardly the stuff cleans are made of either. Even comedy-aide Nick Hewer’s trademark looks of distain are beginning to rankle. Too much Sugar, it seems, can sully the flavour.


LORD only knows why Katie Waste-of-Space didn’t sing “I’m Still Standing” on “X Factor’s” Elton John week. If that girl had a Weatherfield postcode you know she’d survive the tram crash. As it was, Aidan made tracks. Woeful Wagner continued his Facebook-fuelled onward journey. Not so much “X” Factor, more why-factor.

Soap roar: “All set to see her daddy marry her auntie.” Aunt Sal brings the wedding mood down a notch as little Amy prepares for her bridesmaid’s role in “EastEnders”.

Soap bore: “Who would have thought it – Meet My Maker.” Peter the bookie reveals that Jack Duckworth’s last ever bet on the gee-gees came in. Come on...