Stubble trouble down in the jungle

CHANNEL HOPPING:

WITH wickets not exactly falling like Gillian McKeith on a bushtucker trial, the alternative action Down Under has, for me at least, been attached to Alison Hammond’s upper lip on “I’m a Celeb”.

Big girls don’t cry, so we’re told. But they should occasionally have a shave.

Contraband items are a definite no-no in the jungle. Gillian had to surrender her magnificent array of knicker-bocker glorious herbs and spices so I don’t see why the former “Big Brother” big loser’s furry friend should ever have escaped the chop. Not that it mattered — it was soon tashes to ashes for Alison when she was one of the first to be voted off the show.

It’s clear that bonkers TV nutritionist McKeith was playing a game of her own making. The tears. The tantrums. The fainting. The hysteria. Ultimately however, it was the failure.

After the Wagner bandwagon ground to a halt following the dubious double “X Factor” elimination (how ironic that when in the one week Wagner was half-decent, he was booted out) I was beginning to think viewers had switched their attention to another load of... votes. Nice to see Gill get her marching orders.

What’s left of the barmy army of Z-listers bid for glory this week and no doubt a few surprises continue to lurk in the jungle — like when Shaun Ryder was bitten by a snake (the snake went on to make a full recovery). But to look beyond the former Happy Mondays frontman and Stacey Solomon, you’d have to be madder than a spoon-fed comedian sucking on a witchiti grub . . . and Jenny Eclair has been there, done that.


SCOUSE ex-Marine Chris Farrell said auf wierdersehen to “The Apprentice” after finding flogging crisps in Bavaria too hard to swallow. I’d like to say it was all going so well . . . but to declare “hating Germans” at the start of the task was asking for Das Boot. At one point, I thought he was going to say they bombed our chippy.



Soap roar: “I should never have left you dangling like that.” — Glenda the “EastEnders” cougar apologises to Ian after doing a midnight flit from the bedroom.



Soap bore: There must be a job going on the Weatherfield Gazette’s sports desk after this back page headline in “Coronation Street”: “Rugby league final, Old Trafford.” The egg-chasers’ grand day out was in October!