I can’t get into the surgical spirit

HAVE you seen the advert “before you think about surgery you should think about using this face cream”?

Does this mean you’re all thinking about surgery? I didn’t realise everyone was planning it? How come none of you told me? Now I feel like a Billy No Mates.

Right that’s it I’m going in and I’m taking my ball with me.

What if, lets say a friend of mine, doesn’t want to have surgery? Any kind of surgery.

All right I confess it’s me. I don’t want surgery. Any kind of surgery and certainly not the kind they call cosmetic.

There you see I’ve said it. I want to grow old. I want my face to have wrinkles. I really do.

I know what you’re thinking. I’ve seen Bridget Bardot and yes she doesn’t look like she did, but let’s be honest, she’s 73 and she’s done things you and I could only dream of.

Where has this obsession to change come from? These days its not just a simple twice a week down the gym, it seems that we need to walk in the GP’s an ugly duckling and emerge the other end a swan.

I’ll be honest with you, I’ve dreamt of a smaller bum, I have, and thighs that don’t rub together when I walk.

I’ve imagined my bingo wings flying away and my muffin top deflating.

But I have never considered spending any of my well-earned dosh on it.

I do understand that some cosmetic surgery is necessary for people to just simply get on with their lives in a “norma”? way and I thank my lucky stars I am not in their position.

The very best of wishes to them.

But the rest of us, well I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all the celebrities’ fault.

They continually tell us how much they love surgery or Botox.

I can’t think of anything worse than being cut open or injected for vanity.

Real true-life illness maybe, but because I’ve laughed a few too many times or cried a few too many times, no way.

It would erase memories like watching Peter Kaye or the first date with my boyfriend, seeing ET or holding my beautiful boy for the first time.

Can you imagine that?

Having said all that would I still feel the same way if I won the lottery?

Ah, but winning the lottery’s another story. Isn’t it.