I wouldn’t go again... but he loved it

You’d think it was all about them wouldn’t you?

You’ve been putting off the Toddler Group for ages and they’ve had that look in their eye: “come on mum, I’m bored of just you and me, lets get out into the wide world: for ages.

So, OK. We had to get it over and done with. He’d been looking forward to this for months.

I, on the other hand, hadn’t. No-one likes a new situation. No-one likes to be the new girl. I kept having flashbacks to the brownies, the guides, the first day of school, cycling proficiency lessons. Do they still have them?

I have friends who speak in hushed tones about the toddler group.

Remember that scene in “American Werewolf in London”, when the two American tourists open the door of The Slaughtered Lamb and the darts stop in mid-air? This is the myth that surrounds the TG.

So, with a heavy heart and a weary sigh, I loaded us into the car.

Now, I’d like to allay your fears and speak of friends made and laughter laughed but I can’t.

I did feel like the new girl at school. I knew I would.

No one spoke to me. I knew they wouldn’t. They all looked at me as if I had trodden in something very nasty, come to think of it I didn’t check my shoes on the way in.

However, worst of all, nobody explained the rules of which, let me assure you, there are a quite a few.

Tea isn’t served till after 10.30 before which juice is served to the children prior to which toast is available but only if you put your name down on the list the day before and pay your 20p on a Thursday, it’s 10p on a Wednesday don’t you know. Do bread prices change that quickly?

Entrance is 90p if your child is over one, if not it’s 50p.

Any child over four cannot play on the trampoline and children under four cannot play on the soft mat.

The list was endless. I hated every moment.

Cursing under my breath I vowed never to step foot in there again.

Later that evening, when my boy slept like an angel, exhausted, because he loved every minute and everything about the place I changed my mind.

From the slide to the scooter, from the old tea urn to the ladies toilets he was in his 16-month-old element and at the end of the day it’s all about them isn’t it?