Everything seems so over the top

FLICKING through the channels on the telly the other night, I came across a programme in which it was said that a woman had been sent to a top hospital.

It made me wonder whether they would ever say someone had been sent to a poor hospital, but beyond that it made me reflect on the fact that modern Britain is increasingly an example of style triumphing over substance.

Everything sounds exciting, but it’s all a bit like ripping the wrapping paper off a present only to find the box is empty.

Another example is the use of the word special. There are so many supposedly special things in this country, but 99 per cent of them struggle to get beyond the ordinary.

I’ve recently had a copy of my glossy brochure telling me about the wonderful public transport plans for Greater Manchester.

It’s supposed to be a consultation document, but given the fact that all the trams have apparently been ordered, I have a sneaking idea how things will work out.

I was particularly impressed to read that there will be “real-time” electronic indicator boards at busy bus stops.

Now, I have no idea what real-time means — how it differs to other sorts of time, you know like that false time the bus companies usually use — but I’ll be hornswoggled if the indicator boards last long in a county where bus shelters are regularly reduced to glass beads.

In Ashton, Tameside Council put up some boards giving historical details about various buildings. They were very sturdily made but have been wrecked by nutters who must have spent a long time to do it, and with crowbars.

So here’s another modern-day term. We always hear about mindless vandals, except that they know very well what they’re doing and must often give considerable thought to their trails of destruction.

I refer you back to the Tameside history boards.

Calling a flat an apartment can apparently put thousands on the price (are we all really so thick?) and why do politicians find it necessary to keep trotting out the word “local”?

Of course the local police force will attend a crime. They’re hardly going to send the New York Police Department to deal with a mugging in Nether Wallop.

We northerners are supposed to be renowned for our plain speaking.

Obviously, you’re not going to turn round to your wife and tell her her bum does look big in that dress — although there are some huge derrieres about — but surely the time has come to start dealing in facts rather than flannel?