It’s men who are the curse of women drivers

I crashed the car the other week. Twice. On the same day. In the same place.

I know what you’re thinking. Women drivers. And in a way you’d be right but I’d like to explain.

It’s all men’s fault. There you go. I’m glad we put that to rest. I’m going to have to explain aren’t I? I was attempting to reverse the car on to our drive. “Him indoors” was spouting the most “helpful” suggestions.

“Left hand down a bit.” “Right hand down a bit.” “What on earth are you doing?” That kind of thing and while he was going red in the face the front wall was going red with the paint off my car as I scratched right across the front of it. “Stop, “ I heard him cry, “For pity’s sake stop.”

I have translated. I stopped and sighed. Then I pulled out. It sounded like the Titanic pulling away from the iceberg. He shouted. I wound down the window a little further.

I proceeded to explain to him in a very calm manner, that I wasn’t planning on selling the car for crying out loud and to pull himself together because it really wasn’t that bad.

He sighed a little and pulled himself together. I said I would go again. Seconds later, “Left hand down a bit.” “Right hand down a bit.”

This time, the sound of a train screeching to a halt, as I dragged my poor little car right down the side of the wall. Half the bumper came off along with any reputation I may have had as a good driver.

He had his head in his hands. “If you hadn’t been shouting directions, “I calmly screamed “all would have been ok.” He walked briskly into the house and shut the door.

Our neighbour, Jo, decided this was a good time to water his plants. I pulled out to the sound of a herd of elephants informing their mates about happy hour at the watering hole.

“Don’t worry” I smiled, “It was all his fault, if he hadn’t been screaming at me none of this would have happened.”

I wound my window up. I put the car into reverse. Suddenly from my neighbour’s garden “Left hand down a bit.” “Right hand down a bit.” I took the key out of the ignition, locked the door and went inside for a glass of wine.

Like I said, all their fault!