Ges on the box: I’ve taken up surfing on the sofa

THERE’S nothing better than relaxing after a hard day’s graft with a large glass of red and Corrie. A little hiatus separating work from play. Or, in my case, work from washing up.

Time was — just two weeks ago — when that happened. Him Indoors would snooze alongside me or, if I had tuned into “EastEnders”, he’d moan alongside me. He’s no Cockney soap opera fan. Corrie he laughs with. “Emmerdale” he laughs at. But, as soon as the “EastEnders”’ theme tune plays, he’s off. On a rant. Naturally, I ignored him. Turned the volume up, sipped the wine and enjoyed 30 minutes of moaning, threats and fisticuffs — and that’s just Him Indoors.

But those days have gone. He’s subscribed to Sky.

Now, my man is a canny Oldhamer, born and bred. He spends his money wisely. So no-one was more surprised than I when the Sky man came to instal the box. And not just any old box, but a ‘plus’ one. Which means we can record whatever’s on the other side. Usually, nowadays, “EastEnders”. To be watched at my leisure. Alone.

And he has a new game. I call it ‘flicking’. He calls it ‘just seeing what’s on’. But men aren’t interested in what’s on telly, they are solely concerned with what else is on.

So off we go. Surfing the channels. We watch 20 seconds of anything that looks remotely interesting, like “Holby”, or “Celebrity Wife Swap”. Maybe we get 40 seconds of programmes I might enjoy — “Grand Designs” or “The Secret Millionaire”. And 10 minutes of anything with half-clad women or fast cars.

We watched the last 12 minutes of “Braveheart” last weekend. He dies painfully, in the end. I don’t know what happened in the first couple of hours but, really, when you’ve seen the grand finale, it doesn’t matter.

I’ve seen 20 minutes of the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Not all at once, of course, but in three-minute segments spread throughout the day. I’ve even seen Britain gain a gold. Not sure what in. . . I only caught the medal ceremony.

I have watched a foolhardy man up a high ladder trying to prise honey off a cliff in Nepal. We saw the first seven minutes, a couple in the middle and the last five. It was enough, frankly, but Him Indoors kept returning to “Jimmy And The Wild Honey Hunters”, so he must have liked it.

But my very favourite almost-see of the week has been “Britain’s Strongest Man”. Without the flicking game I never would have tuned in but I’m hooked. There’s something very exciting about all those rippling muscles and grunts. It’s on again tonight. I intend to watch. Him Indoors has been warned. And anyway, I’ll sit on the remote. . . he’ll never shift me!