Pav’s Patch : Your call is very important to us...

DON’T you just love trying to get sense out of utility companies? 

The endless hours waiting on the phone listening to a non-stop sequence of messages telling you how much they value your custom.

I’ve been having some real fun recently. So much so that I don’t know where to start. Sorry, yes I do: the Royal Mail.

Over the last month the UniBond League has twice posted handbooks to me from Knutsford and neither has arrived. OK, off we go to the Royal Mail website.

I tapped into the bit about post that had failed to appear and was told they really care, but an item isn’t late until 15 working days have passed. Note the term “working days”.

So I waited and waited, and then logged in again . . . to find a message telling me if 15 working days had gone by the letter was lost!

I’ve also had fun trying to switch my power supply. Apparently my gas meter doesn’t exist, so I took a look at it to make a note of any numbers.

I knew the line I had to ring stops at 4pm, so I dialled at 3.40 and for 19 minutes and 59 seconds I listened to a message telling me my call was important and that it would be answered.

Then the clock hit 4pm, I heard a phone ring, and a voice told me they had shut and to call back the following day!

And when I did get through, I was assured my gas supply was extinct. “Call your supplier,” I was told.

“I’ve done that and these are the numbers they’ve given me. The meter number is in big black letters on the front of it.”

“Sorry, your gas supply is extinct. Demand to speak to a manager or ring Transco.”

I rang Transco but they had no record of my meter. So I gave up and told the original supplier I would stay with them.

Speaking of my gas meter, I was given a new one two months ago, and when I was looking at it to get a reading I found a postcard stuffed at the back.

It told me that the meter was not equipotentially bonded, which apparently means it is not earthed and my radiators could become live.

A bit dangerous, I think you’ll agree, so why didn’t someone tell me to my face rather than just stuff a card in a cabinet I don’t look at from one quarter to the next?

As I said at the start of this column, don’t you just love utility companies?