What Kati did next; Let’s ban Christmas - until December

SOMEBODY mentioned the C word the other day. I was shocked to the core. No not that one, more shocking than that.

Christmas, that’s it. It was just in passing. “What are you doing for Christmas?” they said.

Or at least I think that’s what they said, because by the time I had picked myself up off the floor I wasn’t caring for the question.

Surely we’re not thinking of it already. It’s only October for crying out loud. We’ve got Hallowe’en to go yet. Spiders and pumpkins and other scraps that we have no idea what to do with because we’re not American.

However, last year I remember hearing the first Christmas carol at the beginning of November and the windows were full of Xmas cheer the second Bonfire night had been extinguished.

The restaurants already have their Christmas menus out. Banners surround every pub with promises of the Greatest Christmas Office Party Ever.

Who’s ever had a great office party, let alone the greatest? Surely it’s all about snogging the boss and photocopying your bum. Now that is great.

When I was a child I’m sure we weren’t even allowed to mention the C word until well after “Blue Peter” had put all four candles on the tinsel covered advent.

Are they still allowed to do that? Not one of my friends constructed one, surely down to the enormous fire risk. Parents everywhere where shoving metal coat hangers in the bin.

One year my brother and I were told that it wasn’t actually Christmas until we’d received the generic reply to our Christmas Wishes list from the Post Office, sorry, Father Christmas.

That year we put up our tree on the 5th January. They were snowed under apparently.

I think I’m going to start a campaign. “Keep December free for Christmas,” Punchy? Or “Santa’s sled won’t work in autumn” To the point?

Or “Please stop this madness, fools! You’re driving me insane with all this Christmas stuff when technically we’ve got ages to go.” Aggressive?

Actually my mother and I found ourselves in Ikea again today. They already have all their decorations up. They even have a real Christmas tree with baubles and tinsel. Is that a record? Quick ring Norris McWhirter.

Well that’s it, I’m going to send them a pamphlet from my new campaign. “Please, please, please, give us all a break.” What do you think?