The joy of being a foster parent

MANY people believe you have to be part of a traditional two parent family to foster, but that is not the case. Fostering is about what a person can offer a child rather than who that person is. Giving a child a stable and loving home is the priority for Oldham Council’s Adoption and Fostering Service, regardless of background, sexuality or ethnicity. During Foster Care Fortnight which starts today, residents interested in becoming a foster carer are asked to come forward. Reporter BEATRIZ AYALA spoke to one same-sex couple who began fostering four years ago and have never looked back.

“I’ve never regretted fostering for one minute,” said a smiling Denise Wild (48) who is foster parent to two teenage boys.

Denise and her civil partner Julia Wild (43), from Oldham, have cared for two boys, aged 11 and 14, for about four years and will continue to do so until they become adults.

Denise said: “Our eldest lad is lovely and has all the right qualities in a person and has made phenomenal progress in the last six months.

“Our youngest is academically very bright but sometimes a bit quiet, so it is a case of being ready to listen when he wants to talk.”

Julia had always dreamed of becoming a foster parent so the couple decided to explore the idea after she was made redundant from her job at Park Cake Bakery.

Denise said: “We decided to go for it because we didn’t have children of our own and Julia had always wanted to foster.

“When she got made redundant, it seemed like the right time to do it.

“I’d never even thought about it but we both realised we have a nice house and nice lifestyle that we could give to someone else.

“Both myself and Julia have a large extended family, there has been 14 of us of all different ages on the same holiday, so we knew we would get on with children.

“Plus we had the space and time to care for them.”

Denise admitted she felt apprehensive being a same-sex couple entering the foster network, but said she was instantly put at ease during the training programme.

She said: “We knew we were the ideal candidates.

“It was clear that being a good foster carer is about who you are and what you can offer for the young people.

“The whole process was really good. Any doubts or questions in our minds would be answered and we were supported every step of the way.”

As a new family, Denise said she tends to encourage the lads to be positive people while Julia focuses on them doing well academically.

The boys see their birth relatives once every six weeks but have also been welcomed into Denise’s and Julia’s extended families.

Denise said the couple have had to modify their lifestyle to accommodate the boys and admits being a foster parent can be hard work at times.

But she is adamant the good times outweigh the bad.

She said: “Life is very unpredictable now, you never know what is round the corner and there are tears and tantrums. But you put your heart and soul into it and our reward is seeing the lads progress.

“For me, fostering is like teaching someone how to drive on the motorway.

“You can point someone in the right direction but you have to hope that if they take the wrong turn off, they are able to find their way back.

“I would definitely encourage everyone to look into fostering.”

In Oldham, there are currently 18 children aged between 10 and 15-years-old waiting for long-term foster care.

The fostering Network estimates that a further 1,700 foster carers are needed in the North West, and a further 10,000 foster carers are need across the UK.

Long-term fostering is where a child or young person who cannot return home lives with the same foster carer/s until they reach adulthood.

As opposed to adoption, carers look after the child or young person like one of their own children, with the local authority being legally responsible for that child.

Most children and young people will have contact with their birth families, if appropriate.

All of the children and young people will have experienced disruption, and a level of emotional abuse — some physical or sexual abuse, rejection and neglect — so will have complex needs.

And some need to be placed with their brothers and sisters. There is no such thing as a typical carer, applicants do not have to be married or have special qualifications.

As long as they are over 21, have a spare bedroom and can provide a safe, stable home, they are urged to get in touch.

Applications from single people, the gay and lesbian community and people from ethnic minorities are very much welcome.

To contact Oldham Fostering Service call 0161 770 6600, email fostering@oldham.gov.uk, or visit the website www.oldham.gov.uk/fostering

Alternatively visit www.couldyoufoster.org.uk