Easing the pain of losing a baby

SEVENTEEN newborn babies die every day in Britain leaving parents and relatives heartbroken.

Alicia Smith, from Shaw, told reporter Richard Hooton how she came to terms with the devastating loss of her twins with the help of charity Oldham SANDS and how she has been inspired to raise funds to help others.
ALICIA Smith was shocked but delighted when she discovered she was expecting twins.

A scan after 20 weeks showed everything was progressing well during her first pregnancy.

And when she began experiencing stomach pains she was reassured there was nothing to worry about.

But the pain worsened and after being examined the 29-year-old was given the heartbreaking news that she had gone into premature labour and the babies would not survive.

“It was just a massive shock,” she said. “They prepared us for it but it’s so surreal you don’t take it all in. As soon as they were born it was awful.”

The twins were born on June 16 last year at 23 weeks with son Aston weighing just 1lb 3 oz and daughter Maily at 1lb 1oz. Maily survived for 28 minutes and Aston for 46 minutes.

Their dad Andrew Smith (47) had to endure registering their birth and then registering their deaths.

During such a traumatic experience, the couple appreciated the care the Royal Oldham Hospital gave them.

Alicia said: “The staff were amazing and they took care of everything for us and helped us through a truly mind-blowing and devastating time.”

In particular two nurses, Sue Brierley and Sharon Love, who are trained to deal which such tragedies, aided the couple during their grief. Little touches, like dressing the twins and taking handprints and footprints, helped them bear the loss and give them mementoes of their beautiful babies. They gave them information on Oldham SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) to read in their own time and to turn to if needed.

Alicia added: “They were absolutely amazing. I can’t praise them enough.”

Alicia was found to have a streptococcus infection that can be transferred to babies during labour.

She said: “We don’t really know what happened and unfortunately we won’t ever know what went wrong.

“It’s driven me mad thinking about it but you have to snap out of it and try and think positively.”

SANDS was founded in 1978 by a small group of bereaved parents. It aims to support anyone affected by the death of a baby, work with health professionals to improve services provided to bereaved parents, promote changes in antenatal practice and fund research that could help to reduce the loss of babies’ lives.

Oldham SANDS is run by Andrea Harrop and Wendy Pimblott and meets at the hospital on the first Monday of every month. The couple attended their first meeting last August.

Alicia said: “They have been such an amazing support. It’s not just for mums and dads but other relatives as well and anyone who is affected by the death of a baby. It’s everyone getting together and talking about their experiences.

“When it happens to you, you think you’re the only person in the world it has happened to, but when you go there it makes you realise how lucky you have been in a lot of ways. Some people have gone full-term and something awful has happened during labour.

It’s about being able to talk to other people and know you are not on your own.

“Talking to people who have been there and truly experienced these feelings for themselves is wonderful as you do feel you are going crazy. It’s nice to be able to go somewhere and talk openly and feel like you are not being judged.”

She stressed the meetings are full of as much joy as grief, adding: “You hear lots of positive stories. A lot of people at SANDS have gone on to have children. That will never replace the children lost but it’s good to know you can go on to conceive again.”

Looking back she said: “I can’t believe 12 months has gone. Sometimes it still feels like it was yesterday, other times it seems so long ago.

“It’s been a really hard year but a lot of positives have come out of it.

“We have met a lot of special friends through SANDS and it puts your whole life into perspective. Silly things don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. If anyone has lost a baby don’t suffer in silence, speak to Oldham SANDS.”

Last year, a 5km run at Heaton Park raised charity funds, including £2,000 for a cold cot, a clear cot that’s kept refrigerated to help babies maintain their colour after death so relatives can spend more time with them and say goodbye.

This year, Alicia and Andrew wanted even more of a challenge and have organised a sponsored sprint triathlon on Saturday with 10 people taking part, followed by a fund-raising bash at Heyside Cricket Club in the evening.

The couple send their thanks to Oldham Community Leisure for allowing the free use of the pool and the cricket club for the venue.

Sponsorship can be given on www.justgiving.com/oldhamsandstriathlon. To sponsor, donate raffle prizes or for more information about the charity, call Andrea or Wendy on 07906 438001.