Drivers in (yellow) line for more pain

THE FRIDAY THING: MOTORISTS may think they are already hard done to — what with the cost of fuel and the moped-riding yellow peril seeking out cars parked on yellow lines or without a valid parking ticket — but we haven’t seen anything yet.

If a cheer went up from the top of the civic centre at the weekend it was because Charlie and his cash-strapped team have heard that councils can take over from the police in, well, policing motorists.

Councils can now use CCTV to catch drivers who put a wheel out of line and are likely to be keener to punish transgressors than the police.

I appreciate that London is a lot bigger than Oldham but the capital city used its extended powers to fine 800,000 motorists last year, raising £50 million plus. And that doesn’t include the £250 million raised in parking fines. Charlie will be able to buy another yacht.

Motoring groups have warned that councils are likely to be over zealous and will use the new powers to fill the council coffers (you bet they will).

So now you not only have to have eyes in the back of your head watching for the yellow peril but in the top of your head, too, keeping an eye, or preferably two, on the CCTV cameras that are allegedly there to help us but will now hit us where it hurts.



THE wedding vows might need to be changed to keep up with the fast-moving law. On top of promising all their worldy goods, bridegrooms of the future are going to have to add in brackets, “and my sperm, too”.
Apparently a married woman in Surrey says that a chap’s sperm should be treated as a “marital asset” as far as the law is concerned. She says nothing about piles, bad breath or obnoxious smells of various varieties.

The sperm donor in this unusual little tale has actually made 20 or so donations and his wife is fearful that, now that donors have to give a full name and address, she might, at some time in the future, get 20 knocks on her door from people looking for their dad.

It could be quite a party.


THE trouble with the GCSE exam is not that it is too easy or too difficult or that every year it produces more youngsters with better and better results. The trouble with it is that the exam itself is futile, pointless and so far past its sell-by date that it should be marked “obsolete”.
In this year’s GCSE exams, instead of rising numbers of pupils with top grades, there was a significant drop.

This might have met with glee from those who have carped every year about examinations being dumbed down, so that the number of those with top marks would increase year on year, but could have a devastating effect on the future of the exam takers.

Was there some Government interference in the marking structure this year? Education Minister Michael Gove denies it, leaving us with the impression that the fall in the number of top grades was coincidence.

But what impact will the failure to get A* grades in subjects like English have on pupils’ sixth-form college or university places?

This year’s wounding fiasco has led to calls for radical reform with Dr Martin Stephen, former high master of Manchester Grammar School, leading the way in calling for a Certificate of Core Skills in numeracy and literacy for all 14-year-olds after which they choose a vocational or academic path with exams designed by employers and academics respectively.

He also calls for an end to the GCSE and for the introduction of one set of exams for all pupils at 18, reducing at a stroke the battery of exams that blight the school careers of so many young people.



FINAL WORD: I was going to say something about Prince Harry but I decided you would think it was only jealousy on my part. Not true, actually. My problem is I can’t play billiards.
Follow us on Twitter - @OldhamChronicle