The art of being SURPRISED

A head-shake here and a raised eyebrow there...

I was sat watching telly when all of a sudden I heard a noise outside.

What on earth was that? I got up and opened the door in my dressing gown. I thought, that’s a strange place to have a door.

It had been one of those days. I’d spent most of it saying “no way,” “get outta here” and “shut up!”

The shocks had come thick and fast and only the one from the toaster had been electric . . . I won’t be buying those fat crumpets again.

Being surprised is simple — as long as you’ve no idea what’s coming next.

You have to refuse to acknowledge any information which would help you anticipate the future. And then, with a blank mind and vacant expression, you’ll be free to reel in bemused astonishment at every new event or revelation that hits you.

To start with, it’s important to have a good surprised look at your disposal. I’d suggest an open and relaxed “wow!” rather than a scrunched up and grumpy “what?”

It could be over a nice surprise like your partner bringing you breakfast in bed on a weekday or in response to a nasty one, like your partner revealing that the breakfast is actually a leaving present because they’re running off with someone they met at the gym.

Juicy gossip is great if you intend to make really enthusiastic exclamations of surprise your speciality.

Here, you have to raise your voice a number of octaves, to the point where only whales and cats can hear you — then shake your head in between phrases which reflect your level of bewilderment.

“She didn’t,” (head shake) “you have got to be kidding me!” etc.

Being surprised is a good way to keep your face in shape.

When slightly startled your eyebrow muscles and forehead get a light workout but if you can spend the recommended 30 minutes a day in complete shock then your jaw and neck will firm-up no end as well.

Like anything worth doing properly, being surprised can take a bit of effort so some people decide to cut corners and get the look through plastic surgery instead.

While face-lifts do make some people look silly, at least they don’t have to worry about faking it when they open a rubbish birthday present.

Next week: The Art of Splashing