Pav’s Patch; Thanks, but I’d really rather not know

ISN’T it amazing how some people have the knack of telling you things you would really rather not know?

I once used to knock about with a girl whose father had died. The family seemed to have come to terms with it but they had an aunt who would ring every year, just to remind the mother that “tomorrow’s seven years since your Bert died.”

Mother really appreciated the consideration as it regularly reduced her to tears.

But I have to confess that I can have an impeccable sense of timing on occasion.

A couple of years ago, I was having lunch in a Hyde hostelry when I was approached by a friend. As it was Christmas, and he was in a suit, I asked if he was on a work’s do or entertaining clients.

“Neither,” he replied. “We’ve just buried my dad and this is the wake.”

He was very kind and accepted my apologies most graciously.

I was reminded of this sort of thing a few weeks ago as I was preparing to head for home at the end of a holiday in America.

My cousin rang to wish me a safe journey and then matter-of-factly inquired whether I had heard about the Air France plane which had disappeared north of Brazil.

I was touched by his concern, especially as I was about to leave for the airport where I would board a plane — an Air France one.

Anyway, as I got on the plane I picked up a complimentary newspaper and, as we waited at the end of the runway for what seemed an age, I started to thumb through it.

The main story was about the crash and I was reassured to learn that the plane that fell out of the sky for no apparent reason was the same one as I was sitting in. What joy.

Trying to fend off the frustration caused by a 45-minute wait and the constant crying of a near-by baby, I tried to console myself by thinking about the screen in the back of the seat in front of me. Soon I would be able to watch films and play games.

Then I read that one possible cause of the crash was cracked wiring. And planes with screens — like the one I was on — have much more wiring than normal ones and, consequently, much more chance of some of it being cracked.

By this point I would have preferred a Bible to USA Today.

Next time I fly, I’ll take a copy of the Dandy with me.