Carry On to the rescue of dreary bank holiday TV

CHANNEL HOPPING: “CARRY On” films, Matron, Cruising and Up the Jungle were the cheery side of a dreary bank holiday offering on the box — with a real dearth of big chuckles in Soapland.

Corrie descended into Incarceration Street with more well-known faces doing time than a Swiss watch-maker. James Fleet (dimwit Hugo from “The Vicar of Dibley”) was the latest to check in — then out — of the slammer as evil Tony Gordon’s henchman Robbie. While Tracy and Gail harboured faint hopes of an eventual move, alarmingly, lifer Tony couldn’t wait and made his escape. The murderer now has revenge on his mind with ex-wife Carla the first in the firing line. The plot thickens. No wonder we’re post-watershed in Weatherfield this week.

Time ran out on little Ben in “EastEnders”. He couldn’t contain his guilt a second longer as he ’fessed up to spannering Jordan. Dad Phil had a stand-up row with anyone in his path, while Jordan’s God-bothering old man Lucas pressed the button marked “abandon hope all ye who enter (my head)” and cried like a baby. It’s all turning decidedly dark.



LIFE was never going to be a piece of cake for the junior apprentices, but when Lord Sugar’s sickly crew were told to go and flog iced buns, they didn’t have to look far for a sponge base. Smug Reece had the half-baked idea that he would be a good team leader. Shoving his own head in an oven was an infinitely better option. Reece — you’re fired.

THERE was no joy for Josh at Eurovision. “That Sounds Good To Me” didn’t exactly resonate with the judges as the UK’s entry limped home in last place. As ever, Greece gave Cyprus top marks and Spain’s vote went to Portugal before the favours were returned in another cringe-worthy European love-in. Everybody needs good neighbours.


ENGLAND’S less than inspiring 2-1 victory over Japan was summed up when “D Brent” was named in the starting line-up — at least that’s how the Austrian scoreboard displayed Darren Bent’s inclusion. A bad day at the office all round.

Soap roar: Carla’s so-so battle cry failed to spark the Underworld machinists into action when the factory roof sprung a leak. “Sew, sew, sew,” came the order. The workers said so what and went to the pub.

Soap bore: Janine’s tedious bet with Ryan about washing the blinkin’ pots has gone on long enough. As dull as dishwater.