You say goodbye and I say oh no

The Art of Waving:

For such a small movement, the wave can convey a whole range of message and emotion. As non-verbal communications go, it’s right up there with “wanna brew?” and “the Vs.”

I like to keep it simple. Lift your writing hand to about head height and swing it from left to right between four and twelve times. Any more than this and your arm may begin to ache but, more importantly, the exchange could start to feel slightly unsettling.

More often than not you’ll be waving to say hello or goodbye to someone who’s too far away for you to speak to. While shouting to someone a fair distance away is also fine, for whatever reason, waving at someone who’s stood right next to you isn’t.

When waving to get someone’s attention it’s likely you’ll become increasingly enthusiastic if they fail to notice you. It’s probably at the point when you’re also jumping up and down that you’ll realise they’re purposely ignoring you. If you keep at it though, your persistence will almost certainly be rewarded as you hound them into a begrudging “oh no” wave.

To give it its full title, the “oh no I can’t avoid them any longer” wave is actually more a moving of fingers. It’s for when you see someone you really don’t want to see and it involves playing an imaginary keyboard at the side of your head. If they don’t clock the lack of enthusiasm in the wave, they may spot the grimace on your face. You don’t always have to know the person you’re waving at to enjoy it. Waving at strangers from a train will somehow connect with the child in you and if I’m honest, most of the time when someone in a car beeps at me as they drive past I have absolutely no idea who they are but still, the arm comes up automatically and begins to move about.

It’s slightly more unfortunate when you think you know someone and wave at them, only to realise that you don’t. Really, you need to have bailed out of these waves by the third swing if any credibility is to be saved. I recommend looking away as you casually carry the move on and comb the hair over your ear with your fingers.

Cringing as it may have been in the moment, don’t be entirely surprised if the subject of your mistake goes on to smile at you and wave back. They probably haven’t a clue who you are either but, having panicked, have decided it’s better to go for it anyway. For some reason, waving is just something we all like to do.


NEXT WEEK: The Art of Having Some Peace.