You can rise, but with very little shine

The art of WAKING UP:

ALL good things have to come to an end eventually and if a deep sleep is a heavenly respite from the rigours of life, then waking up is the slap round the head you get when you’ve offended your mother.

If it’s not a weekend, it’s likely your awakening will be pretty rude. It could be due to the screech of an alarm clock or the prod of a four-year-old finger. Or perhaps you’ve wet the bed again.

However it happens, your body will plead a silent, ‘Noooo!’ Mumbled with one eye open, ‘You have got to be kidding me’ is a phrase which often follows.

Just because you’re no longer asleep doesn’t mean you’re awake which is why you’re not really qualified to make decisions hitting the snooze button for a third time or counting to 50 before you get up.

If you do manage to get to 50, you really are pushing your luck if you choose to treat yourself to another twentyzzzzzz.

Good ways to get you to the next stage of alert are switching a floodlight on in the bedroom, having a hot or cold shower or attempting to sit on the toilet in a dark bathroom when someone has left the seat up.

The seat your bum is expecting may only be an inch higher than the toilet itself but the unexpected fall can be something akin to the near-death experience.

On the other hand, to wake up naturally is wonderful.

As you’re eyes gently prise open you can blink a couple of times, nuzzle your head into the pillow and breath a relaxed and revitalised sigh. Then you roll over to the clock and see you’re two hours late for work.

Even when physically awake, it can take some people a long time to “come round”.

Teenagers, particularly, can remain half comatose until early evening. For some reason the early morning parental warning of, “If you don’t get up now you’ll be late for school” doesn’t possess the motivational power of, say, “If you jump up now I’ll give you a fiver.”

Waking others can be a delicate job. I often have to do it mid-conversation and people react differently. Some are apologetic but others appear upset that they’re still stuck in a long-winded nightmare. Throwing a bucket of water over them somehow makes things worse.


Next week… The Art of Negotiation