Smoke police send out wrong signals

THE FRIDAY THING: RECENT warnings from me that the health lot’s declaration of open war on smokers would lead to a knock on the door in the night by the Puffing Police and the removal of your kids and your dog if there was a trace of cigarette smoke anywhere in the house have surely come a gigantic step closer to reality.

In preparation for home visits with their fag-finder contraption and tipped-off by a non-smoking neighbour who has a coal fire and drives a car bigger than an Army tank, they are now targeting motorists in their own cars.

Having already outlawed smoking in works cars and vans they are after smoking motorists, enjoying a few minutes of peace and tranquillity from the domestic din with the aid of a fag.

So what harm are they doing to anyone, except themselves? Let’s not forget that a majority of the 100-year-olds who appear in the Chron clutching a card from The Queen have been puffing away on Woodbines and Park Drive since their teens. Why this escalation of the war on puffers?

Maybe it’s because the white-coated brigade fear that the bedraggled bands of the smoking oppressed huddled in a cloud of smoke outside every pub will, seeing smug smokers driving past in their cars, rise up and start an ASH (Allow Smoking Here) revolution.

The white coats are, not surprisingly, hugely satisfied with the impact their campaign has had on pubs (effectively shutting down hundreds of much-loved locals) and so won’t be satisfied until we all abandon our unhealthy cars and take up bikes. Though whether the staff in A&E will be pleased is another matter.



WHAT on Earth is going on in the world of education?
When I was at school (a long, long time ago admittedly) taking anything into an exam — calculator, crib notes or even sherbet lemons — was regarded as cheating and was severely punished (expulsion was the least of it).

Now we learn that teachers are being given tips by examination boards on what will be in upcoming exams so they can give pupils lessons that will prepare them for what the exam papers will ask.

As if that was not bad enough, we are now told that teachers are actually giving students exam questions in advance so that they can be sure to pass.

Is the whole system corrupt? I can understand the pressure on teachers to get results but should there be such collusion with the examination boards who make a fortune every year by setting tests?

Isn’t it time that the examiners were examined and any of the boards found to be involved in corrupt practices were shut down?

The only blameless people in this epidemic of cheating are the students themselves whose only aim is to get a good grade. But we do them few favours if they are unwitting accomplices to such an epidemic of cheating.



ARE town centres, like smokers, becoming a thing of the past?
Are there too many charity shops, takeaways, pound stores and vacant premises? Have all the big stores moved to sites where they can offer that golden egg of retail — unlimited free parking?

Is the answer, as shopping guru Mary Portas predicts, to put markets into town centres and to introduce gyms, places of entertainment, cafes and restaurants, making them entertainment hubs that will draw in the visitors?



FINAL WORD: Leading the field in my quest for the funniest picture of the year is the shot of the wind turbine that burst into flames because the wind was blowing too hard. It is also comical, in a rather ironic sort of way, that when the wrong sort of wind blows, the turbines don’t produce electricity any more than they do when the wind doesn’t blow at all. Do we really want such useless objects littering our hills and dales?