With age comes wisdom... and arthritis

The Art of Growing Old

MY grandad used to say, “there’s now’t down for this growing old”. And he was right. I hit the big 3-0 a few months ago and all of a sudden the words “hip hop” had a new meaning.

I suppose it’s easy for fairly young pups like myself to get a bit dramatic about it all. “It could be worse,” suggested my smug, younger wife, “you could be dead.” She then moved my pipe to one side and patted my corduroys.

Since then though, I’ve attempted to focus on the positives of getting older. After all, with age comes wisdom, a sense of one’s true self and arthritis. You seen it, done it and can’t remember most of it.

Plus, age doesn’t pigeon hole you like it used to. The 50s are the new 30s and 46 is the new 22. It’s mainly because so many people are divorced that everyone’s back out on the pull with lower standards than the first time round.

You can work till you’re 70 now and it’s likely you’ll have to. If you think nobody’s interested in you in your twilight years, just try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Once you eventually retire you can spend your time sat on benches watching pigeons argue or have tea and scones at garden centres every day.

Probably best to avoid the water features section afterwards.

The older you get the more stubborn and set in your ways you’re allowed to become.

My uncle Ralph always refused to budge whatever the situation. In fact, his dying words were, “I’m not dipping my lights till he dips his.”

They say you should aim to live long enough to become a burden to your kids. Payback time has finally arrived! But do remember it’s them who’ll choose your care home.

Sadly, and inevitably, a consequence of growing old is that one day the end will come. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.

But after a life well lived you shouldn’t be afraid. A great-auntie of mine just lay back in a comfy chair and gently slipped into everlasting sleep. What a lovely way to go. It was a bit traumatic for the dentist though.


Next week . . . The Art of Eating.